I just got married and kept my name, and I think part of that is because I got married a little older than some people. Getting married at 38 means I've lived more of my life as my name, and it felt wrong to change it because I've been "me" for almost half my life! Plus, I think as you get older, you realize that you don't have to do something just because it's "what people do," and many of my friends who got married younger said they wouldn't change their names if they been older when they got married or if they had really even thought about it more. Plenty of people quote the significance of their name in their professional careers as a reason for not wanting to take their husband's name, but my last name is of little significance in my career. I'm a nurse anesthetist and my name could change daily and it wouldn't make much of a difference, but I wanted to keep my name because it's my name. My last name also isn't very common (nor is my husband's, to be fair), so I wanted to keep it for that reason as well.
No one asked my husband if he was changing his name, but I did get addressed as his last name almost immediately after getting married. Some people have asked us how we would like to be addressed for the purposes of holiday cards. While I appreciate they way they phrased it, the underlying question is if I changed my name or not, and I think it will be a long time, if ever, to ask both parties equally if they changed their name. We haven't really discussed what we will do with our (hopefully) future children's names, although I would like to share a last name with them. However, I totally understand if my husband feels that need as well, but we haven't sorted out how to compromise on that quite yet.
"No one asked my husband if he was changing his name"...that's a big thing that gets to me! it will probably always be that way, but I am so appreciative of the ways in which some partners are changing this norms. :) Thanks for sharing!!
This was very interesting to hear. I had only been taught that you take the name of your husband, no matter what the professional or child ramifications were. I have since learned that is a US custom and is not followed in many other countries. I would just like to say, I kept my ex-husbands name because my oldest child asked me why I wouldn’t want to keep the same name as his. And I did have to ask my ex and his fiancée if I could keep the name. Luckily they agreed.
I really had only seen that example, too! As we talked about, it's hard to do what you don't see. <3 I hadn't realized it's more of a US custom, and am curious to learn more about that. Thanks for listening, and sharing!!
I just got married and kept my name, and I think part of that is because I got married a little older than some people. Getting married at 38 means I've lived more of my life as my name, and it felt wrong to change it because I've been "me" for almost half my life! Plus, I think as you get older, you realize that you don't have to do something just because it's "what people do," and many of my friends who got married younger said they wouldn't change their names if they been older when they got married or if they had really even thought about it more. Plenty of people quote the significance of their name in their professional careers as a reason for not wanting to take their husband's name, but my last name is of little significance in my career. I'm a nurse anesthetist and my name could change daily and it wouldn't make much of a difference, but I wanted to keep my name because it's my name. My last name also isn't very common (nor is my husband's, to be fair), so I wanted to keep it for that reason as well.
No one asked my husband if he was changing his name, but I did get addressed as his last name almost immediately after getting married. Some people have asked us how we would like to be addressed for the purposes of holiday cards. While I appreciate they way they phrased it, the underlying question is if I changed my name or not, and I think it will be a long time, if ever, to ask both parties equally if they changed their name. We haven't really discussed what we will do with our (hopefully) future children's names, although I would like to share a last name with them. However, I totally understand if my husband feels that need as well, but we haven't sorted out how to compromise on that quite yet.
"No one asked my husband if he was changing his name"...that's a big thing that gets to me! it will probably always be that way, but I am so appreciative of the ways in which some partners are changing this norms. :) Thanks for sharing!!
This was very interesting to hear. I had only been taught that you take the name of your husband, no matter what the professional or child ramifications were. I have since learned that is a US custom and is not followed in many other countries. I would just like to say, I kept my ex-husbands name because my oldest child asked me why I wouldn’t want to keep the same name as his. And I did have to ask my ex and his fiancée if I could keep the name. Luckily they agreed.
I really had only seen that example, too! As we talked about, it's hard to do what you don't see. <3 I hadn't realized it's more of a US custom, and am curious to learn more about that. Thanks for listening, and sharing!!